Would You Rather Be Curious or Correct? | Issue 3

Why ask a question when you can answer one? 

That was perhaps the subconscious motto of much of my early life and career. My top priority was always, and without fail, to be right. 

Sure, it wasn’t my finest attribute. I got on my dad’s last nerve as a kid whenever I’d admonish him for using “literally” incorrectly or following up his question with an “I don’t know, can you?!” 

But before the now-ubiquitous theory of growth mindset exploded onto the education scene, mistakes were a non-starter.

And avoiding them is how I succeeded. In my pre-leadership roles, I climbed the ladder quickly, in no small part because I was the one who got it right. 

The kinks in my armor started to show in my first year consulting at McKinsey. I was running an interview with an industry expert, and it was obvious I was flailing. I didn’t know how to ask the right questions, and I didn’t know how to pivot based on the answers. I was too uncomfortable to veer off script or to explore uncharted territory.

I wanted to choose curiosity, but I wasn’t sure how. 

It wasn’t a flip-switch. Curiosity is daunting for those of us who’ve spent our lifetimes determined to be correct!

But as I’ve taken on more leadership roles, I’ve learned to hone that skill and loosen my grip on the first-cousin to correctness, which is control. And as an executive coach, I’ve fully given myself over to curiosity—because coaching is all about asking questions and allowing the person to answer it for themselves, often with no “right answer” in the mix. 

Of course, approaching challenges with a curiosity-first mindset takes practice. Thankfully, I have wonderful clients (and kids!) to practice with often!

To inject more curiosity in your life, especially within the workplace, I suggest execs approach those discussions in four stages.

The 4 steps to create more curiosity in your conversations:

1. Appreciate: Make it feel safe for all ideas to be shared. 

“Wow, thanks for sharing this.”

2. Understand: Focus on what is being communicated before jumping in with an opinion.

“Can you walk me through how you arrived at this conclusion?”
“Can you clarify what we mean by X?”

3. Contextualize: Further consider the thinking and approach from additional angles.

“What prompted you to consider this?”
“Who else has weighed in on this idea?”
“What other options could be explored?”

4. Ideate: Offer new suggestions, and build on ideas by emphasizing what resonates.

“I like X idea—what if we augmented it this way?”
“Optimizing this aligns with our business goals, so would X idea be something to consider?”

Pro tip: It’s also paramount that execs remember that the intention of curiosity is connection, not correction. Don’t allow your questions to come across like an interrogation.

• Be aware of your tone and body language—using a softer voice with less imposing posture can make a world of difference.

• Be aware of how you frame a question. Negative emphasis (“why didn’t you consider this?”) causes people to get far more defensive than open emphasis (“what inspired you to consider this?”).

If curiosity is about asking great questions, the act of listening is even more important. It’s no coincidence that was the subject matter of my previous newsletter. 

• If you need a refresher, give that issue of The Left-Hand Column a read.

• If you’d like more advice on how to think about asking better questions, this Harvard Business Review article has been a major help to me.

Keep reading, keep leading,
Jess

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